Ask It Review

Your greatest regret could have been avoided had you asked this particular question and then acted on your question.

That is a pretty powerful statement when you take a minute to consider it. By asking a particular question (and acting on it), you can avoid regret? Sounds pretty bold. In his book, Ask It, Andy Stanley makes some pretty powerful arguments that support that statement.

From his years of being a pastor in the church and also growing up as a pastor’s kid, he has a unique perspective on the decisions people make. At one point in the book, he says that we can learn from past bad experiences and poor choices, even if it is someone else’s bad experiences and poor choices. He has seen enough regret and hurt in the lives of people that he understands the importance of asking this question.

Here is the question: In light of my past experiences, my current circumstances and my future hopes and dreams, what is the wise thing to do? It is based on a passage of scripture in Ephesians 5.

While that may not seem like an earth shattering question, when you begin to apply it, it does provide wisdom. In the book he applies this question to specific areas of our lives including time, morality and finances.

The strength of this book is the practically in which Stanley writes. He doesn’t speak in generalities or with examples that don’t fit with our culture, but in very practical ways and cuts right to the heart of many issues.

Near the end of the book he makes a pretty observation. He notes that many people feel like the decisions they make are of a private nature. Basically my decisions are mine to make. However, the consequences of those decisions become public. Basically, whoever you marry, whatever car you drive or home you purchase, whatever job you take, people are going to know. Your private decisions will be public. It makes sense, then, to involve people in the front of those decisions so that when the outcome is public, there are no regrets.

Ask It is a good book and would be a great tool for a small group. Not only is asking the question important, but then applying the answer to that question.

Great Christmas Opener from North Point

In the past I’ve posted things I’ve heard on the podcast from North Point Community Church in Atlanta. A couple of years ago several of us from Wilmington went to a conference they put on and we saw some of their creativity first hand.

Each year they have a Christmas opener that kicks off their services. In inviting people to this year’s services, they posted last year’s opener. It is so funny and so well done. Take about 9 minutes and check it out. You have to watch the first half (the part with the kids) which makes the second part so humorous.

Christmas 2013 Opener: “Christmas In Bevelton (The Best Christmas Carol Ever)” from North Point Media on Vimeo.

Guardrails

We are in the middle of a series in our High School class about making wise decisions. It is based on Andy Stanley’s book The Best Question Ever that I read recently.

Usually in the month of February, we talk about guy/girl relationships, dating, etc. This book provides some insight and principles that helps adults and students in making decisions about various areas of life, including dating relationships.

Talking specifically about moral purity, Stanley talks about the importance of “pre-deciding.”  Before getting into a situation where we may compromise in the realm of purity, we need to pre-decide what we are going to do and not do.

We are going to talk about the guard rails we need to put in place regarding moral purity. Knowing that guard rails are set-up to keep a driver from ending up in a dangerous place, we need to establish guard rails that will help us see the danger coming.

It is so true that times of failure in our moral purity bring the deepest regrets.  In The Best Question ever Stanley writes this: “In time you may find you are able to laugh about wasted money and poor time management.  But when it comes to moral failure, time doesn’t help.  Nobody ever laughs about an affair, divorce, addiction or abuse.”  How true it is that no matter what stage in life we find ourselves, guard rails are helpful.

Deep & Wide review

Last night I finished reading Andy Stanley’s latest book, Deep & Wide. It was written to tell the story of North Point Ministries, how they started and why they do what they do. While Stanley doesn’t insist that the way they do it is the best way or the way everyone should do it, he does explain their philosophy, core values and how they evaluate what they do. He also makes a point to explain how they continually look at what they are doing so they don’t stray from their intended purpose.

What I heard most about Deep & Wide when it was first released was the opening chapters where Andy Stanley reveals some of his personal life, including his parents’ divorce, and how his life experiences lead to the start of North Point. It was a pretty transparent telling of events and more than most pastors would reveal. If you have been through a divorce or are close to those who have, you are familiar with the pain and lasting impact it has on those involved. Stanley’s sharing of his story illustrates that God can redeem even the most difficult circumstances.

Deep & Wide shares a lot of good insight for those who work in the church, whether in a leadership role or serving in a specific ministry. Stanley offers some challenging thoughts and intentionally creates discomfort for the reader in some of what he writes. He shares some of the things they have learned at North Point in regards to creating a welcoming environment, communicating to both church and non-churched (or de-churched) people, leading a church through change and the importance of leadership.

Stanley is a good communicator and has some good statements in the book. Here are a couple I highlighted:

“The most ineffective way to begin a conversation about change is to talk about what needs to change. You should never begin a conversation about change by addressing where you are now. You should always begin with where you want to be.”

“Knowledge alone makes Christians haughty.  Application makes us holy.”

“We ask of every environment:  Was the presentation engaging?  Not, was it true?  Churches aren’t empty because preachers are lying.”

Deep & Wide is a good read and a good resource for those involved in the local church.  Andy Stanley’s passion comes through in what he writes and he offers some good insight, questions and suggestions for church leaders to consider and then implement in their setting.

The Best Question Ever – a review

Andy Stanley is one of my favorite authors and speakers. He communicates in an engaging way, both in the spoken and written word, and is also very practical. He continues that in his book The Best Question Ever.

In this offering, Stanley explores what he calls a new approach to decision-making. His premise is that rather than look to make the right decision, we should look to make the wise decision. He states it like this: “In light of your past experience, your current circumstance, and your future hopes and dreams, what is the wise thing to do.”  Rather than just look at a decision and see if there is anything wrong with it, we should see what is wise.

In The Best Question Ever Stanley applies this question to decisions regarding our time, our money and our relationships.  In all these areas, making wise decisions is vital because they can have lasting impact on our own lives and those around us.

I like how Stanley emphasizes the importance of making wise choices on page 125 of the book:  “None of us plan – or intend – to get into trouble.  The problem is, we don’t have a plan not to.  Adopting the Best Question Ever enables us to plan not to.”

Everyone wants to make good decisions.  In this book, Stanley gives some good insight from God’s Word on how to go about making good decisions and part of it is seeing that we are not as unique as we think we are.  When faced with a decision, we can convince ourselves that we are the exception to the rule.  We can go down a certain path because we can handle it, we are smarter or it simply won’t happen to us like it does to other people.  On page 111, he puts on paper what many people think:  “Nobody has ever felt this way before. No one has to deal with what I have to deal with.  I can handle it.  I’m not live everybody else…”

Stanley speaks directly to our need to see that we aren’t unique, that we do need wisdom outside of our ourselves, that wisdom seeks advice from others and God wants to help us make those wise decisions.

The Best Question Ever would be a good resource for high school and college students and young adults.  While more mature adults would benefit from this book, many of the decisions to which he refers are being made by those in the young adult period of their lives.  This would be a good tool for pastors and leaders in student ministry to work through in a small group setting.

I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review

Good Insights for Parents

I have mentioned in previous posts some of the podcasts I listen to on my iPod. I started listening quite a bit a couple of years ago when I had about a 35 minute drive to work. It beat the radio and I was able to take in some good messages.

I listen regularly to Andy Stanley from North Point in GA and Dave Stone and Kyle Idleman from Southeast in KY. In May, Dave Stone did a series on the family and in September Andy Stanley did a family series as well. As they talked specifically about parenting, they both said similar things that obviously came from the same source. The first time I heard it I thought it was good. The second time cemented it. While no one has all the parenting answers, I thought these were good insights.

While I’m not sure of the original source, they both shared the Four Stages of Parenting.  I think Dave made the comment not to get hung up on the age break down, but to focus on the process.  Both of them remarked that the stages need to be done in order and it becomes very difficult to go back and cover a missed area.

1. Discipline Years (ages 1-5)
2. Training Years (ages 5-12)
3. Coaching Years (ages 12-18)
4. Friendship Years (ages 18+)

Both speakers who have children in the final stages, so they could speak with experience on going through each one.  They pointed out that each stage builds on the other as you see a progression toward maturity, independence and a change in the relationship between parent and child.  Andy and his wife shared one of their goals as parents was that when their children were adults, they wanted to come home and spend time as a family.

When it comes to discipline, there was an added insight thrown in.  Andy and his wife shared this from another couple’s philosophy of discipline.  As a parent with young children, you may feel you are disciplining all the time.  One couple shared their three nonnegotiable when it came to discipline.  Discipline was enacted for one of these offenses:

1. Disobedience
2. Dishonesty
3. Disrespect

This is just an excerpt of what each speaker shared.  I think the four stages provide some good direction for parents.  You can listen to all the message online or through podcast.  You can listen/watch Southeast’s “Faithful Families” series on their website and listen/watch North Point’s “Future Family” series on their website.

This would be a great resource to check out and to share with others.

Good Enough to Get into Heaven?

If you go to church most Sundays out of the year, does that get you in?  If you give money each month to the church, is that enough?  If you don’t cuss (too much) or are nice to people who aren’t nice to you, does that do it?  How good is good enough?

That’s the question that Andy Stanley wrestles to the ground in this book.  It seems the majority of people accept the premise that God will let good people into heaven, but how do you know if you are good or even good enough?

In one chapter Stanley shares an encounter he had with the lady who owned the dry cleaner near his apartment.  He relates one conversation they had that got around to what happens to people after they die.  The woman said she knew she would go to heaven.  Stanley asked how she knew.  She said because she kept the Ten Commandments. He asked if she knew the commandments.  She didn’t  He asked if she knew where to find them  She didn’t.  But she was certain she had kept them and so was good to go.

The problem that Stanley points out is that while it seems a lot of people accept the “good people go” theory, there is no way to determine what good enough is.  In fact, scripture doesn’t even support this notion.

After spending considerable time debunking this myth, Stanley made this point: good people don’t get into heaven; forgiven people get into heaven.  The reason Jesus came was to extend grace and forgiveness because left to ourselves, we can’t be good enough.  Rather than putting our eternity into our efforts to be good, we place our trust in the One who can forgive.

How Good is Good Enough? is a good book for those who wish to communicate clearly to others the reason for Jesus’ death on the cross.  It is also a good resource for those searching for the truth of how they can be certain of where they will spend eternity.  Stanley is an excellent communicator and demonstrates that in this book.

I Am Doing a Good Work

My YouVersion reading this past week took me through the story of Nehemiah and the rebuilding of the wall of Jerusalem.  Think it is interesting that nothing miraculous happened in that event.  God just used people who were committed to do what He laid on their heart to do.

I was catching up on listening to some podcasts and I listened to a message from Andy Stanley, who used the story of Nehemiah to launch into the new year.  He emphasized a verse I had read and it further cemented that principle in my mind.

Nehemiah, who lead the rebuilding, faced many different obstacles.  Two of those obstacles were named Sanballat and Geshem.  They wanted to distract Nehemiah by pulling him off the wall.

Read their invitation and note Nehemiah’s response from Nehemiah 6:2-4

“Sanballat and Geshem sent me this message: “Come, let us meet together in one of the villages on the plain of Ono.” But they were scheming to harm me; so I sent messengers to them with this reply: “I am carrying on a great project and cannot go down. Why should the work stop while I leave it and go down to you?”  Four times they sent me the same message, and each time I gave them the same answer.”

Nehemiah didn’t allow their words distract him from the good work God had given him.  Andy Stanley made the point that while each of us has a different work we are doing, we cannot allow distractions to cause us to stop and leave that good work.

While we may not be rebuilding the wall of Jerusalem, what good work has God given each one of us to do that we shouldn’t leave for other distractions?

Enemies of the Heart

Practical.  When I think of Andy Stanley, that is the word that comes to mind – practical.  It seems that whenever he speaks or writes, he is able to cut through to the real issue at hand.  In this particular book, he truly does get to the heart of the matter.

He begins and ends the book with the same thought – our hearts are so important.  Everything we do – love, lead, parent, build relationships, teach, etc. – all come from our heart.  In his practical style, he drives his point home and drills down to the four enemies that we deal with in our hearts – guilt, anger, jealousy and greed.

Not only does he reveal the four enemies we face, he gives ways to combat those enemies.

It is easy as you read this book to see these enemies in someone else’s life.  Stanley addresses that reality and causes the reader to look inward to see if one of the four enemies has taken up residence in his or her own heart.  The questions he presents do help the reader take an inventory of what is happening inside the reader’s own heart.

Another bonus of the book is what he offers parents.  Through his own personal illustrations of talking about these enemies with his kids and the direct recommendations he makes to parents, Stanley equips parents to help their own children monitor their hearts.  Too often, as he points out, we focus on our kids behavior (what is happening on the outside) and neglect their hearts (what is happening on the inside).

This is a great resource for individuals, parents and those in ministry.  The content of this book would make a great teaching series for those who work with adults and students.

Pick up a copy of Enemies of the Heart and let Andy Stanley help you to begin to monitor the condition of your heart.

(I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review)

Circles are Better Than Rows

For the past couple of weeks, we have been promoting small groups to our students.  Last Sunday we had a meeting with parents and explained our approach to small groups.  Yesterday, I heard the perfect message on small groups.  Andy Stanly at North Point Community Church is one of my favorite speakers.  A recent podcast of his dealt with importance of being involved in a small group.

I loved the analogy he used – circles are better than rows.  We can sit in rows (or pews) Sunday after Sunday and never really be known.  If we commit to be in a community of small group, we will be known.  When we are hurting, we have someone to share it with.  When we are missing, someone notices.  And when the rough spots of life come, we have people there to help pick us up.

We are still encouraging our students to in a small group and I am grateful to those adults who have committed to lead one.  So, are you in a circle?  It is much better than sitting in a row!