Ask It Review

Your greatest regret could have been avoided had you asked this particular question and then acted on your question.

That is a pretty powerful statement when you take a minute to consider it. By asking a particular question (and acting on it), you can avoid regret? Sounds pretty bold. In his book, Ask It, Andy Stanley makes some pretty powerful arguments that support that statement.

From his years of being a pastor in the church and also growing up as a pastor’s kid, he has a unique perspective on the decisions people make. At one point in the book, he says that we can learn from past bad experiences and poor choices, even if it is someone else’s bad experiences and poor choices. He has seen enough regret and hurt in the lives of people that he understands the importance of asking this question.

Here is the question: In light of my past experiences, my current circumstances and my future hopes and dreams, what is the wise thing to do? It is based on a passage of scripture in Ephesians 5.

While that may not seem like an earth shattering question, when you begin to apply it, it does provide wisdom. In the book he applies this question to specific areas of our lives including time, morality and finances.

The strength of this book is the practically in which Stanley writes. He doesn’t speak in generalities or with examples that don’t fit with our culture, but in very practical ways and cuts right to the heart of many issues.

Near the end of the book he makes a pretty observation. He notes that many people feel like the decisions they make are of a private nature. Basically my decisions are mine to make. However, the consequences of those decisions become public. Basically, whoever you marry, whatever car you drive or home you purchase, whatever job you take, people are going to know. Your private decisions will be public. It makes sense, then, to involve people in the front of those decisions so that when the outcome is public, there are no regrets.

Ask It is a good book and would be a great tool for a small group. Not only is asking the question important, but then applying the answer to that question.

Bruises By Train

When I’m on the riding mower, I like to listen to music. I’ve synced some music on my iPhone and like to listen to it while I drive back and forth across my yard. One of my favorite groups to listen to is Train. I like their music and find many of their lyrics unique and entertaining.

One of their songs that gets stuck in my head is Bruises. The chorus says this:

These bruises make for better conversation,
Loses the vibe that separates,
It’s good to let you in again,
You’re not alone in how you’ve been,
Everybody loses, We all got bruises

The idea behind the song is two friends from high school run into each other and share their stories. They talk about failures in relationships and how that has changed them. What jumps out at me is this particular part of the song where one of them comments that he/she would like to go back and change the other person’s past:

I would love to fix it all for you,
I would love to fix you, too
Please don’t fix a thing whatever you do
These bruises make for better conversation…

Even though their pasts are painful, those experiences have shaped who they are as people. While the song doesn’t provide any hope that God can make good things come out of our bad experiences, it does point to the fact that we are shaped by what we go through. Both good and bad experiences, trials and triumphs, impact the people we become. While I think God wants to redeem our past and use them for His purposes, I think Train is on to something in their song.

Plus, it’s kind of a catchy tune.

Top 5 Regrets of the Dying

A few weeks ago I was listening to some podcasts and this article was referenced. A nurse worked with patients who had only 3 to 12 weeks to lives. In her conversations with these patients, the issue of regrets came up and she noticed that common theme surfaced in her conversations.

This month in our High School class, we are going to talk about making decisions in key areas of our lives. Our students are at a point in their lives where there aren’t too many huge regrets. I’m hoping we can help the next generation make choices in advance that will do away with future regrets. I looked up the article to share with my students and wanted to post it here as well.

You can read the entire article on The Huffington Post website.

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

From This Day Until. . .

I was listening to an interview yesterday with a guy who was a part of the True Love Waits movement.  He said his biggest contribution to the movement was the phrase “from this day until. . .”  Here’s the entire pledge:

Believing that true love waits, I make a commitment to God, myself, my family, my friends, my future mate, and my future children to a lifetime of purity including sexual abstinence from this day until the day I enter a biblical marriage relationship.

He believes this was an important phrase because it deals with the present and the future, not the past.  He commented that all we can do is move from where we are into the future and we can’t go back and change anything in our past.

I thought his comments rang true not only in the area of the True Love Waits pledge, but in all area of our lives. We probably all know people (or maybe we are that person) who won’t/can’t move toward a better future because of mistakes in the past.  They could be things we have done or things done to us.  We can’t change the past; we can’t undo what has been done.  But we can commit from this day until…

That comment wasn’t the main crux of the interview, but really jumped out at me.  God is in the business of taking care of our past.  I just saw a similar idea on Facebook today:  “Don’t remember what God has forgotten.” What we need to do is commit from this day until . . .